Volunteering as an Online Friend

To become an online friend volunteer, please complete the following courses:

• Friend course (3 hours): This course is available online or in person. You can find the online courses in OMA Red Cross with search word ”Friend course”. Courses are arranged in English app. five times a year. Once you have completed the course, you can fill out the online friend volunteer form in OMA Red Cross. This automatically adds your information to the online friendship matching system.
• Online helper at the Finnish Red Cross (2-3 hours): This self-study course provides skills for online interactions. Register (or log in) to Vuolearning platform via this link for completing the course. 
  
   

Finding a Suitable Online Friend

After completing the friendship training, you can fill out an online friend profile card. Here, you can describe yourself and your interests to the extent you feel comfortable. You can also specify preferences regarding your online friend’s age and gender. Friend suggestions are based on profile compatibility, so feel free to describe your interests in detail. You can update your profile later in OMA Red Cross.

You will receive a friend suggestion via email from the address verkkoystava@redcross.fi. You have the option to decline a suggestion and wait for a more suitable match. Please note that if the person requesting a friend is underage, the Red Cross is required to conduct a background check. This will only be done with the volunteer’s consent. Once both the volunteer and the individual seeking a friend have accepted the match, the individual’s contact details will be shared with the volunteer, who will initiate contact.

Starting the Friendship

When you begin communicating with your friend, it’s best to agree in the first exchange on how often you will be in touch. Typically, friends write to each other every 1–2 weeks, though some may prefer less frequent, longer email exchanges. To facilitate finding common topics, ask early on about your friend’s wishes and expectations for the friendship. You might also want to share a bit about your messaging style and even your sense of humor, as misunderstandings can sometimes arise with text-based communication.

Maintaining the Friendship

The most important task of a volunteer online friend is to be an empathetic companion who knows how to listen and offer encouragement. A volunteer can also share their own experiences, but it is important to ensure that they do not unintentionally burden the client friend with their own worries.It is important for a volunteer friend to be committed to the role and to stick to the agreed messaging times. If you are unable to respond at the agreed times, please inform your friend.

A common challenge in online friendships is a slowdown in conversation or the friendship staying superficial. However, it’s worth persevering through initial uncertainties, as getting to know someone online takes time. You can ask your friend directly if there are specific themes they’d like to discuss or if they find the messaging frequency suitable. Many individuals in the online friendship program face challenges with energy levels or limitations in functioning, so responses may take longer than expected or be brief. Nonetheless, volunteer messages are often eagerly awaited, so if you haven’t received a reply, consider sending another message. You may also directly ask your friend how they feel about the friendship and whether they want to continue. As life situations change, the need for an online friend may also shift.

Shared Experiences Bring Friends Closer

Even though communication occurs online, friends can still enjoy various activities together. Shared experiences often deepen friendships, and the volunteer friend can play a significant role in encouraging and supporting their friend to try new things.

Here are a few ideas for things to do together online:

• Talking through video or voice calls
• Sharing photos, e.g., of pets, hobbies, or nature
• Exchanging recipes
• Reading the same book and discussing it
• Watching the same movie or show and discussing it
• Playing online games together
• Exploring a friendship-themed Spotify playlist and discussing favorite songs; you can suggest new songs for the list by emailing the coordinator. Friends who enjoy music can also create a shared playlist where both can add their favorite songs.
• For younger friends, we especially recommend using the Friendship Skills programme as a discussion resource.
• You can also utilize the Discussion topics for friend activities_.pdf

Maintaining anonymity

Volunteers are advised to use anonymous communication apps and platforms for online friendship activities, where their full name or phone number is not visible. This recommendation is based on safety considerations, as we cannot verify the identities of those requesting a friend, nor do we interview clients over the phone. Anonymity also makes it easier for volunteers to step back from the role if needed, as contact is maintained through an anonymous account or email address that isn’t used for other activities. Although you are anonymous and use a nickname, there are many ways to communicate. Below is an overview of various options.

Choose the communication method that suits you best

Start by considering which platform best fits your communication style. When communicating via email, it’s easy to set boundaries around interactions and focus on responding without interruptions. Emails also allow for more detailed, lengthy messages. When using instant messaging apps, communication often occurs in real-time, with shorter messages that feel more like a casual conversation. Instant messaging also makes it easier to send photos or have voice and video calls. When using instant messaging apps, it’s essential to agree on specific times to connect. For example, you could catch up with your friend once a week at a set time. With mutual agreement, you can also switch to a different messaging platform over time. Many friend pairs start with email and then transition to another app.

Common communication methods

Below is a list of commonly used apps for online friendship communication.

• Anonymous Email Address: You can create a new email account with a provider of your choice. Examples of free email providers include Gmail, Outlook, Tutanota, and Protonmail. Note that even if the email address itself is anonymous, the email program may display the name you provided during registration in the sender field. You can adjust the settings to hide this information. Some people also register with a pseudonym (e.g., "Jane Doe"). To ensure anonymity, try sending a test message to yourself to verify that the sender field does not reveal your name.
• Telegram, Signal and Snapchat: These apps function similarly to WhatsApp but allow you to hide your phone number and use a nickname. We do not recommend using WhatsApp, as it always displays your phone number to those you message.
• Discord and Skype: If you want to use video and voice calls regularly, some friend pairs use Discord or Skype for communication.
• Social Media Accounts: Some friend pairs communicate via platforms like Instagram. While usernames can be nicknames, keep in mind that social media often shares a lot about our location, connections, and personal lives. Some people create a separate account for messaging, unlinked to their main social media accounts.

Regardless of the app you choose, we recommend enabling two-factor authentication for added security.

For further assistance, feel free to contact the online friendship coordination team at verkkoystava@redcross.fi.

 

When volunteering as an online friend, just like in other friendship activities, it is important to adhere to the established guidelines and take care of your own well-being.

Remember your role as a volunteer online friend

Volunteers act with the skills of an ordinary person. It is important to keep this in mind while being an online friend. Listening, encouraging, and showing interest are some of the key tasks of a volunteer. You do not need to solve your friend’s problems, and you can openly say that you are not a professional helper or that you do not know how to handle the situation. However, you can encourage your friend to seek support if needed.

 
Remember to manage your time

In online friendship activities, which are location-independent and conducted through communication apps, managing your time can become a burden. It is up to the volunteer to define how often and how much they want to be reachable. It is advisable for the online friend pair to agree in their initial messages on when and how often they would like to communicate.

Some volunteers have found it helpful to limit their volunteer commitment by using a communication app for online friendship that they do not use in their daily lives. By turning off notifications, you can control how often you are reachable. However, experiences so far have shown that time management has not been a significant burden for volunteers in online friendship activities.

 
You can also set boundaries on discussion topics

Many of our client friends report that discussing everyday matters is an important part of online friendship. However, some discussion topics may be overwhelming for the volunteer. Sensitive topics could include a friend's mental health challenges or traumatic experiences, such as being a victim of violence or other crimes. Such difficult subjects should be handled by professionals, and you can encourage your friend to seek professional help. You also have the right to decide if a friendship is becoming too burdensome. The online friendship coordination team will seek a new online friend for the client if possible.

In matters where it is challenging for the volunteer to take a stance according to their own values or the principles of the Red Cross, they can focus on listening. Difficult discussion topics could include religion, ideologies, politics, and news related to war and violence. The volunteer can also encourage their friend to talk about neutral or lighthearted topics.

 
Coordination team and Peer support

If you have any concerns regarding online friendship, do not hesitate to reach out to the online friend activities´s team. You can contact the volunteer friend coordinators via email at: verkkoystava@redcross.fi.

You can also seek advice from other online friends in the OMA Red Cross virtual activity group named "Online friend activities." Additionally, you can participate in mood discussions organized via Teams, which are designed for online volunteers. They are mainly arranged in Finnish but they can be arranged in English as well.

As a volunteer online friend, you commit to the role for a minimum of 3-6 months

At least in the beginning, you may need to take more initiative to sustain the friendship. It’s essential to be prepared for this responsibility before committing, as a friendship ending prematurely at the volunteer's initiative can be a challenging experience for the client.

After 3-6 months, you and your online friend can discuss whether you wish to continue staying in touch. You might ask your friend how the experience has been for them and whether they feel the friendship is still valuable or meaningful. It’s also a good idea for the volunteer to consider whether this form of interaction or this particular friendship is a good fit for them. There is no maximum duration for online friendships, and many of our pairs have continued their connections for years.

If it seems that the friendship is not benefiting either party or feels overwhelming, it is possible to end it before the 3-6 month period.

The most common reasons for ending a friendship include:

• The friendship has not deepened, and both partners feel that their interests or "chemistry" do not align.
• The client’s life situation has changed, and they no longer feel the need for an online friend.
• The client’s circumstances have become so overwhelming that they lack the energy to maintain the online friendship.
• The volunteer’s own situation has changed, and they are no longer able to continue as an online friend.
• The volunteer finds the online friendship too demanding.

 

Regardless of the reason for ending the friendship, it is always important to notify the online friend service. If you find it difficult to discuss ending the friendship directly with your friend, you may ask the service to inform them on your behalf. The service will also ask both you and your friend if you would like to start a new online friendship.

You can contact the service by email at: verkkoystava@redcross.fi. Please also respond to the anonymous survey to help us understand the reasons behind the ending of online friendships.